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Monday, February 28, 2005
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VOLUME 2
ISSUE 48
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Ask Liz
Dear Liz,
I have recently changed industries, from financial services to telecom, and I am pretty put off by the degree of "old-boyism" I am experiencing. I have never heard so many "honeys" and "sweeties" in my life, directed toward me and my fellow female colleagues. It's well-meaning (not a put-down, as far as I can see) but it's out of place nonetheless. The men my age and younger are fine. It's the men closer to retirement age who can't seem to get it through their heads that that kind of talk is demeaning to women. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Charlotte
Dear Charlotte,
Thanks for writing - you are not alone. When you change companies or industries you can really experience a culture shock, and you're describing one form of that to a tee. It's startling to realize that some workplaces are simply a lot more evolved than others.
The fact is that a number of these men you mention have probably never gotten the news that "Honey" and "Sweetie" are not appropriate in the workplace. And I appreciate the fact that you've looked past the behavior to the motivation (which does not seem to be mean-spirited) and the fact that the perpetrators are people for whom the issue may be at least in part a generational one. Sometimes older men in the workplace take a fatherly or grandfatherly tone with younger women (which can end up being ALL of the women in the joint) and don't mean to out of line but manage to get there, anyway.
So my advice is to teach, them gently and without rancor, as in:
HE: Charlotte honey, do you have those sales reports?
YOU: Angel, I'll send you a copy. (Smile! no gritting of teeth)
or
HE: Sweetie, is Jack in his office?
YOU: No, he's in a meeting til noon. Do you want me to give him a message?
HE: Would you please?
YOU: Only if I can get you to call me Charlotte instead of Sweetie. (Smile!)
Of course, these suggestions are in the "helping them along" zone, based on my presumption that there's an education problem rather than an attempt to make you uncomfortable or put you down. If the behavior is, or becomes, truly obnoxious, I'd step it up a notch ("Jack, I've asked you a few times to use my name when you address me, and now I need to insist. It's Charlotte, not Sweetie") and if necessary, get your manager involved. But I'm going to predict that you can handle this beautifully - please write and let us know what happens!
Cheers,
Liz
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