February 15, 2003
Mary- Drugs and alcohol replaced with Amazing Grace
My name is Mary, and I hope that if you’re reading this, you’re interested in how other folks have come to know Christ as their Savior. My story is far from pretty, but it’s the truth. I’d like to think that my testimony parallels the song “Amazing Grace” … “how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.”
Although I’ve been going to church almost all my life, I’ve struggled over and over again with many personal demons. I believe with all my heart that the one God leads me to share with you is that of my alcoholism and drug addiction. Having said that, the most important thing I can share with you is that I’ve been alcohol and drug free for a while.
I’ve been battling addiction since I was a teenager. I learned to use drugs and alcohol at home – whenever I didn’t feel good, I learned that I could change my feelings by drinking or taking a pill. The problem was that it was all a lie – as soon as I sobered up, the problems were still there. I didn’t believe I was worthy of Christ, nor did I believe I was worthy of love … God’s or anyone else’s for that matter.
My journey in sobriety began in 1985, and I was able to stay sober, with God’s help, for twelve years. Then in 1997, I fell off the wagon, and I fell hard. I was to spend the next five years in despair, terror and bewilderment. I was totally isolated. I was ready to die. How had this happened? Didn’t I have enough faith? Didn’t I know better?
The answers were hard, but necessary. Even in sobriety, I had leaned on my own understanding, rather than completely subjugating my will to that of my Heavenly Father. I was relying on myself and others rather than Christ, and my lack of humility led me back to the bottle. It was only when I totally surrendered that I was able to return to recovery. This past year has been the best year in a long, long time, and I firmly believe it’s because of my complete dependence upon the Lord for answers in my life.
Slowly, I’m learning to trust others again. I’m even beginning to let people get close to me. I’ve been given a wonderful blessing in the form of a job (in a church!) that allows me to minister to others. I want so much to give back what was so freely given to me. I’m active in AA and do my best to help others learn about God’s pure love.
I love Hebrews 13:2 “Don’t forget to be kind to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!”
And Romans 5:2-5: “For because of our faith, He has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to actually becoming all that God has had in mind for us to be. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us – they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.”
My eyes are fixed on Jesus and my answers come from Him. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.”
If you are hurting and troubled and feel there’s no way out, try laying your burdens at the foot of the cross. Jesus will never leave you or forsake you. He is always there, ready to take your burdens as His own. He can wash you clean and help you to live the life you know you want to live. Just let Him into your heart and ask. He is always ready to answer. God bless you and keep you. Amen.
[PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION]
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