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Here's a beauty quiz: Can you match the following with the subject and source?

(1) "A parade of nudity."
(2) "Resembles nothing so much as a contemporary harem."
(3) "When will this trash stop?"
(4) "What would (the prophet) Muhammad think? In all honesty, he would probably have chosen a wife from among them."

Choose from the following:

(a) Nigerian newspaper remark about the upcoming Miss World beauty contest that sparked rioting Thursday that killed at least 50 people.
(b) Email complaint to the Federal Communications Commission, protesting Wednesday's airing of the Victoria's Secret fashion show. Cited by Commissioner Michael Copps as partial evidence that the FCC should broaden its definition of indecency.
(c) Washington Post critique of "The Bachelor," the ABC show that beat out "Victoria's Secret" (and "West Wing") for top ratings Wednesday night.
(d) Criticism of the Miss World pageant by an Islamic group urging Nigeria not to host the event this year.

We've listed the answers below. If you find it hard to make matches, that's precisely our point. The day's news is filled with righteous outrage over media displays of underdressed women. And, my oh my, would the critics be surprised to find themselves in each other's company. In Nigeria, angry protesters went on a deadly rampage, set off by a newspaper's claim that Muhammad would have so approved of the upcoming Miss World contest as to choose a bride from among the contestants. In the U.S., an FCC commissioner used the occasion of the Victoria's Secret fashion show to call for a clampdown on lewd programming. Meanwhile U.S. media critics shook their heads in disgust as millions of viewers -- mainly women -- tuned in to see which desperate darling would land "The Bachelor."

Aren't women fortunate to have so many defenders? Color Unspun unsurprised to find all sorts of agendas hitched to the appeals for media modesty. For instance, FCC Commissioner Copps speculated that indecent broadcasts might be increasing because of consolidation in the media industry (a pet complaint of his). Over in Nigeria, says the BBC, impoverished Muslims are looking for ways to agitate their pageant-proud president, who has cozied up to the West.

Ironically, another group protesting this year's Miss World pageant includes five women who had been entered in the competition. Misses Costa Rica,
Denmark, Switzerland, South Africa, and Panama dropped out to protest Nigerian rulings sentencing women to death by stoning for giving birth outside of marriage. Don't worry, though. That global kidder, Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo, insists the death sentences won't really be carried out. Besides, as the Independent and Financial Times point out, the U.S. government is using its mighty international sway to send Nigeria a clear message: Crack down on money-laundering and sell us more oil.

Who says chivalry is dead?

Answers: 1 (d); 2 (c); 3 (b); 4 (a)

- Lori Patel

Muslims Oppose Nigeria Hosting Miss World Contest (Reuters)
http://tinyurl.com/2xd2

Miss World protesters riot
http://asia.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/africa/11/21/nigeria.miss.reut/

Dozens die in violence sparked by Miss World contest
http://news.independent.co.uk/world/africa/story.jsp?story=354582

Analysis: Nigeria's Sharia split
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/1600804.stm

50 killed in Nigeria over Miss World story (Times of India)
http://tinyurl.com/2xdd

Nigeria urged to combat fraudulent transactions (Financial Times)
http://tinyurl.com/2xd5

Miss World puts spotlight on Nigeria Financial Times)
http://tinyurl.com/2xd6

Condemned woman urges end to Miss World boycott
http://news.independent.co.uk/world/africa/story.jsp?story=351633

Copps To Hold Panels On Media-Ownership Rules (Media Info)
http://tinyurl.com/2xd7

FCC's Copps Seeks Indecency Definition Overhaul (Yahoo)
http://tinyurl.com/2xd8

`The Bachelor' chooses Helene, and beats `Victoria's Secret' in ratings (SFGate)
http://tinyurl.com/2xd9

Popping the question (Washington Post)
http://www.msnbc.com/news/837654.asp

TV stations nix 'Victoria's Secret Fashion Show'
http://www.tri-cityherald.com/news/2002/1120/story5.html

Victoria's Secret on TV 'soft porn'?
http://www.cnn.com/2002/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/20/victorias.secret.protest.ap/

Louis V. Gerstner, Jr. must have either a killer publicist or the world's best timing. The former IBM CEO and soon-to-be-former chairman has been getting rivers of ink this week, almost all of it favorable, some of it bordering on adoration. He's been on a tour promoting his new book, "Who Says Elephants Can't Dance," about how he dragged IBM back from death's door beginning in 1993. Reporters can't get enough -- imagine, a '90s CEO who isn't steeped in scandal! And yesterday came the news that Gerstner will devote 20% of his time to chairing the Carlyle Group, a Washington-based buyout and equity firm.

The New York Times nutshelled Carlyle as "a private investment firm known for its financial performance and its stable of former government officials." Business Week nailed Carlyle's image as "right out of a John Grisham novel" -- a secretive firm of bigwigs that buys up lucrative defense businesses, wins hush-hush military contracts, and manipulates governments around the world to wring private profit out of public policy. Carlyle has achieved a realized rate of return of 36% return for its wealthy private and institutional investors since its founding in 1987.

Many press accounts mentioned the big names on Carlyle's board -- presidential daddy George H.W. Bush, former British Prime Minister John Major, former SEC Chairman Arthur Levitt. The Times and AP also noted that until September of last year, the firm numbered among its investors several members of the bin Laden family of Saudi Arabia. Carlyle's retiring chairman is a former head of the Defense Department. Why did it pick a big name from private enterprise? Gerstner is "one phone call away from every chief executive officer in the United States," a Carlyle founder explained to the Times. And Gerstner represents a move away from "Carlyle's image of cashing in on the old Washington Rolodex," the Times quoted an investment watchdog.

For an inside look at how Carlyle operates, turn to Business Week. Reporter Mike McNamee noted the firm's roots in defense -- "What credibility would a Washington-based firm have bidding on, say, a retailer?" he paraphrased its founders -- but stressed the quick diversification that has turned it into the world's largest private-equity manager. Carlyle aims to become "the Fidelity Investments of private equity," McNamee wrote, but his sources came down on the skeptical side on Carlyle's chances of pulling away from the small, focused firms that now dominate the buyout field.

So how is Gerstner's book? Most of the reporters covering a stop on his book tour seem not to have cracked it. The Washington Post ran a review by Allan Sloan, who did plow through. Sloan's assessment: Gerstner is no writer, but a determined reader can find gems "scattered on the forest floor" of a book that is "tough sledding even for a business junkie." Carlyle tapped him for his Rolodex, not his writing skills. - Keith Dawson

Gerstner to Be Chairman of Carlyle Group
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/22/technology/22CARL.html

Gerstner's Surprise
http://www.businessweek.com/bwdaily/dnflash/nov2002/nf20021121_6576.htm

Gerstner to Be Carlyle Group Chairman
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A23277-2002Nov21.html

Gerstner gets high-powered post (AP)
http://www.bayarea.com/mld/mercurynews/business/4579597.htm

IBM chairman to head Carlyle Group (Reuters)
http://money.cnn.com/2002/11/21/news/companies/carlyle_gerstner.reut/

In 'Elephants,' Gerstner Holds an Unfocused Gaze
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A7802-2002Nov18.html

Corporate 'Elephant Trainer' Lou Gerstner Takes Center Stage
http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,3959,718959,00.asp

Gerstner says Internet saved IBM (IDG)
http://www.nwfusion.com/news/2002/1121gerstner.html

The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week
http://www.thestreet.com/_tscs/markets/dumbestgm/10055556.html

Making Reporters Toe the Big Board Line
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/22/business/22NORR.html

Creating a new life form
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2002/11/22/1037697867291.html

Vivendi Spurns Offer for Entertainment Units; Stock Rises
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/22/business/worldbusiness/22VIVE.html

Liberate Technologies Retracts Forecast After Internal Probe
http://online.wsj.com/article/0,,SB1037932187737235868,00.html

US regulators set to inform banks of fines (Financial Times)
http://tinyurl.com/2xdb

AOL touting prepaid Internet cards
http://news.com.com/2100-1023-966795.html

Bertelsmann Sells Online Unit To Rival German Bookseller
http://online.wsj.com/article/0,,SB1037912552288490868,00.html

The Sons Also Rise
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/22/opinion/22KRUG.html

Free Web Research Link Closed Under Pressure From Pay Sites
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A17568-2002Nov20.html

Agency Weighed, but Discarded, Plan Reconfiguring the Internet
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/22/politics/22TRAC.html

Massive Database Dragnet Explored
http://www.siliconvalley.com/mld/siliconvalley/news/local/4569587.htm

Copyedited by Jim Duffy (jimduffy86@yahoo.com).

Editor and publisher: Jimmy Guterman (guterman@vineyard.com).

Media Unspun is produced by The Vineyard Group Inc.
Copyright 2002 Media Unspun, Inc., and The Vineyard Group, Inc.
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