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Perhaps world domination is not McDonald's manifest destiny after all. The burgermonger declared Tuesday that it won't expand much in 2003, adding a measly (by McD's standards) 600 restaurants worldwide, and just 100 in the U.S. You could practically hear the Financial Times' sigh of relief over the retreat. "The relentless march of the Big Mac across the world will slow next year," said the FT. The relentless march of Starbucks, however, shows no signs of abatement.

The Golden Arches will focus on improving its existing 30,000 burger joints, especially the 13,300 or so in the U.S. They must need the improvement, since McDonald's third-quarter profits were as limp as a wet French fry. "All this raises the question of how McDonald's has managed to mess up one of the most popular franchises around," said TheStreet.com. Well, several outlets mentioned little things like poor service, a glut of restaurants, competition from Burger King and Wendy's, and -- is it too obvious? -- food quality.

McDonald's might continue to take over the world with its partner brands like Boston Market, Chipotle Mexican Grill, and Donatos pizzerias (1,077 restaurants total, said Reuters) and its stake in British sandwich chain Pret a Manger. (Alert the British media: The Yank Invasion continues.) And Lincoln, Neb., now has the first "McDonald's 3'n1" restaurant offering sandwiches, hot entrees, and ice cream sundaes as well as Big Macs and McNuggets. Call us food snobs, but we can think of better places to eat chicken parmigiana or a "New York Reuben."

One thing McDonald's won't be expanding is its employee rolls. It cut 700 jobs last year and will reportedly lay off several hundred in the near future. "It's likely there will be some job loss," chief executive Jack Greenberg said. "We hope it won't be significant, but we don't know yet." We've said this before, but it's worth repeating: When will the guys in suits realize any layoffs are "significant"?

OK, these are the people who brought us Mayor McCheese and the Hamburglar, so let's end this on a less serious note. "A 25-foot-high inflatable Ronald McDonald was on the loose in South Wales Tuesday," reported Reuters with an admirably straight face. It seems Ronald blew off a roof, then landed on some railroad tracks, then blew off the tracks. "We're offering a Big Mac to anyone who can give us information leading to his safe return," said a McD's spokesperson. What, no Reuben? - Jen Muehlbauer

McDonald's Meets, Sticks With Outlook (CBS Marketwatch)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?A4D521732

Mixed Bag at McDonald's
http://www.thestreet.com/_tscs/markets/taleofthetape/10049167.html

McDonald's Reins In Expansion (Chicago Tribune)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?G6B532732

McDonald's Profits Drop 11 Percent (AP)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?X4A521732

McDonald's Tests New '3'n1' Restaurant, Has Broader Menu (Reuters)
http://www.forbes.com/business/newswire/2002/10/22/rtr761866.html

McDonald's Cuts Back New Stores (Financial Times
http://makeashorterlink.com/?J59532732

McDonald's Loses Its Appetite
http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/story/0,3604,817281,00.html

Ronald McDonald on the loose in Wales (Reuters)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?T2E512732

Broadway, it seems, wants in on accounting scandals, too. But this tempest is opening north of the U.S. border. After four years of work -- four years? -- the Royal Canadian Mounted Police rolled out their own fraud show, charging Garth Drabinsky of the theater and entertainment company Livent with 19 counts of fraud. For those tired of U.S. scandals, the Canadian media's coverage of the Drabinsky caper promises to open a whole new chapter. See, through it all, the "theater impresario," as he is tagged in Canada, was really just saying, as one Canadian theater critic interpreted for the Toronto Star, "Love me. Please love me."

Perhaps that's what the bad-toupee-wearing Drabinsky and three other colleagues were thinking when, as the Mounties allege, they spent 10 years faking the financial statements of Livent. Outlets called it one of the biggest corporate crime cases ever tackled by the RCMP. According to the Toronto Star, Livent was once the largest live-theater company in North America and produced theater for the masses such as "Ragtime." It collapsed in 1998 amid allegations of fraud and a flurry of lawsuits, and the RCMP estimates that Livent sucked investors dry of $500 million.

Why the four-year gap between Livent's collapse and the Mounties' charges? The police chalked up the pace to thoroughness. Reporters were more skeptical. (The exception to Canadian media's exuberance for the story being the National Post, which Drabinsky promoted as a marketing consultant for the newspaper's owner, Conrad Black.) Globe and Mail columnist Mathew Ingram wagged that the case against Drabinsky has already lasted longer than some of his mega-musicals. The Star took a jab at the RCMP's glacial speed by resurrecting a 1999 quote from a police spokesperson who dismissed as "erroneous" reports that the Livent investigation would take up to three years. Perhaps it was law-enforcement peer pressure. Canadian coverage worked in mention of the spate of corporate fraud in the U.S., as did the RCMP's representative in a televised news conference on the charges.

Drabinsky's lawyer Edward Greenspan vouched that his client's duties will go on, though he ceded to the Toronto Star that "there was an interruption this morning while he was processed and released." Well, an arraignment and bail hearing can really mess up a day's work.

Outlets made it clear that Drabinsky and Gottlieb are scoundrels from way back. Last year, they were charged with filing misleading financial statements by the Ontario Securities Commission. And only the New York Times pointed out that Drabinsky and Myron Gottlieb are considered fugitives in the U.S., after missing court arraignments in 1999 for New York charges of fraud and insider trading.

Maybe it's a sad day for showbiz dreamers, as the Star headlined. But not for theater-goers. Drabinsky & Co. are offering lots of melodrama without the schmaltzy tunes and $150 tickets. - Deborah Asbrand

Drabinsky Charged With Fraud (Toronto Star)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?F67F21732

Drabinsky Larger Than Life (Toronto Star)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?B12021832

A Sad Day For Showbiz Dreamers (Toronto Star)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?M12221832

Drabinsky, Gottlieb Hit With Fraud Charges (Globe and Mail)
http://tinyurl.com/25nr

Drabinsky Charged With Fraud (National Post)
http://tinyurl.com/25ns

Theater Founders Are Charged With Fraud
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/10/23/business/media/23LIVE.html

Internet Backbone Withstands Attack
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,106239,00.asp

Pfizer Wins Viagra Patent, Moves to Block Competition
http://online.wsj.com/article/0,,SB1035325918718052671,00.html
(Paid subscription required.)

Microsoft To Acquire Mapping Software Maker Vicinity Corp. For $96 Million (AP)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?E18543732

SEC May Attempt to Force Stewart Out of CEO Position
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A2233-2002Oct22.html

Computer Trash Is His Treasure
http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,55949,00.html

Why do so many executives lie about their education?
http://slate.msn.com/?id=2072961

63 Percent Of U.S. Implicated In New Scandal
http://www.theonion.com/onion3839/63_percent_of_us.html

Copyedited by Jim Duffy (jimduffy86@yahoo.com).

Advertising: Erik Vanderkolk (erikvanderkolk@yahoo.com).

Editor and publisher: Jimmy Guterman (guterman@vineyard.com).

Media Unspun is produced by The Vineyard Group Inc.
Copyright 2002 Media Unspun, Inc., and The Vineyard Group, Inc.
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