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I spent more than 20 years in advertising, yet I watch TV judiciously these days. When I do watch, I see people everywhere looking at life and screaming, "Nooooo!" |
Betsey Dalbeck |
There is so much resentment and resistance to life," writes Pema Chodrun, the American Buddhist nun, in her book When Things Fall Apart. "In all nations, it's like a plague that's gotten out of control and is poisoning the atmosphere of the world."
Pema wrote that statement back in the 90s. Imagine how she might describe people today!
Now I don't deny that these are difficult times given the sputtering economy and, now, recovering from the war with Iraq. But I've come to the even more frightening realization that Pema is also correct when she states, "The most difficult times are the ones we give ourselves."
You create your own fear.
When faced with situations that cause us suffering, our tendency is to fight or flee. Many of us immediately look for some way to protect ourselves. We think, "Do something!" It is not automatic that we first stop and just be.
When you live in fear you miss life's precious moments.
When we're feeling under attack, we miss opportunities to experience healing moments of joy, happiness and thankfulness. Worse, our racing minds and hyperanxiety blocks our ability to be tender, kind and compassionate towards those we love. Buying into your fear damages your health.
Buying into our fears also causes terrible harm to us. According to Dr. Alice Domar, author of Healing Mind, Healthy Woman, "Daily stressors take a toll on our minds and bodies. Ongoing fight-or-flight overstimulates the heart and weakens the immune system."
Domar further states that, "By one estimate Americans experience 50 fight-or-flight episodes a day." And she links the prevalence of fight-or-flight with our culture's information explosion. Domar feels many of these daily bursts of tension may come from our being overexposed and oversensitive to media's endless demons.
"Our highly evolved brains allow us to interpret complex information regarding events that might be dangerous only in the distant future," she wrote.Turns out our nervous systems are not terribly accurate at distinguishing between physical and psychological threats. We can feel just as anxious, threatened and stressed by what we imagine might happen to us as what is happening to us.
The good news is that the reverse is also true.
Let me explain.
If we don't distinguish the difference between an actual experience and an imagined one, we have the power within ourselves to lift the veil of darkness and uncover the light contained in our own imagination. We can determine what is true for us. We can see things differently. We can use our imagination to create goodness in our lives.
Let go of the need to control and just be.
We need to let go of control because no matter how well prepared we are, we are ultimately powerless in holding on to everything we have today. There is no escape from loss and change, only an opportunity to adapt.
Here's how.
When you feel fear or anxiety rising, stop and breathe. Take a moment to decide whether your fear is grounded or ungrounded. If it is ungrounded, let it go. If it is grounded, decide whether it is likely or unlikely. If it is unlikely, let it go for now. If it is likely, decide whether it is immediate or distant. If it is distant, let it go, but begin to prepare and plan how you'll deal with it. If it is immediate, that's when you'll need to face it.
Face your fears.When you can't seem to locate any reference points, STOP and just be with your fear. Reflect back and observe the way you think, speak and behave. Look for unproductive patterns that are creating your fear. By allowing yourself to learn from your fear, you change your consciousness and then can move in new, more positive directions. Say "yes" to life.Take this newfound knowledge and, knowing not what lies ahead, step out on the edge. Face the unknown. Act as if you 're an explorer drawn to discover what's waiting "out there." Then step off the edge and into the future.To actually take your first step requires trust, faith and wisdom. Trust that you are part of a greater whole. Have faith in yourself, but also in a universe that will take you where it must, when it must and how it must. Your wisdom comes from every moment in your life that offers an opportunity to learn and grow, and that whatever occurs next is neither the beginning nor the end.
Don't lose hope.While there is no denying that we are experiencing difficult times, don't conform to today's mass mindset of hopelessness. Instead tonight, turn off the TV. Take your newfound time to just be for a few moments. Quietly wonder about these ideas and all that has happened to you today. You just might find that this opening brings with it the chance for you to recognize and receive previously unnoticed moments of joy that illuminate your darkness in these difficult times. Doing so will help you be fully present for those you love.
"We form a circle of hope. We pass the flame to one another. If my candle goes out, yours will light it.Together we make a brighter light. And each candle promises something of its own:That darkness is not the last word."
– David McCauley
Please accept the flame of hope from me today and share it with those you love. And may our collective efforts bring us all closer to the light!
®2003 Betsey Dalbeck, Fresh Tracks, Inc. All rights reserved.
Betsey Dalbeck, founder and president of Fresh Tracks, Inc. a change management and leadership development firm, transforms executives into vision leaders and teams into self-organized and self-managed units that achieve exceptional business results and personal satisfaction. Reach Betsey at 617-566-6711, bdalbeck@freshtracksinc.com or http://www.freshtracksinc.com .
