Within a period of three months in 2002, I managed to break off my relationship, sell my house, and lose my job. There's nothing like a "three strikes and you're out" kind of inning!
My company offered outplacement services that I referred to as my Twelve Step Program. After three months, I had a dynamite resume, could work a room, and had polished up my interview skills. It was the Christmas retail season, I dutifully sent out resumes, signed up on the on-line job boards, and went to the appropriate network soirees. My job became looking for a job and satisfying the DET (unemployment) requirements - three separate days of job searching activities. By January, after three months of pounding the pavement, I had spiraled into hopelessness. No one was hiring, the weather in the Northeast was bone chilling and gray. I'd found rental housing before the student crush in September - one less worry. The job front appeared to be hopeless. I talked to my job therapist. I needed a diversion from job searching and "chick searching" seemed the perfect activity. If there were (I think) a drought of single, gay women, it couldn't be as bad as the technical job market drought. I quickly learned that job search activities and dating activities are actually pretty similar. So for you singles out in the audience, gay or straight, the skills, discipline, and strategy you've applied to the job search can also apply to the dating/relationship search.
In the job search 12 Step Program, there are some key activities - figure out what sort of job you want, peruse the job boards, network with friends and associates, and write compelling letters to C-level officers in the companies in which you would like to work. These same strategies can also be used to enhance your social life. When you use sites like salon.com or match.com to find a date, you have to put up a profile, sort of like a resume. Included in the profile are your skills, requirements, and interests. Like the job boards, you can wait around for the dates to come to you - or if you're impatient like me, you'll check out the available openings, determine whether she matches your relationship criteria and see where there might be a fit. Next comes the cover letter where you write how the two of you are compatible and point her towards your listing. Waiting and hoping for a response can be as nerve-wracking as waiting for a response from a potential employer. How long should you wait before writing again? How many days are there between being viewed as eager versus being viewed as annoying? If you don't hear anything after the second message, strike her off your list and move on.
Sound familiar?
Assuming you've written a catchy cover letter, the person will write back and you'll email back and forth. Pursue several likely candidates in the event that the position/person didn't match what was written or that you learned something in the email that wasn't evident in the person's description. Unlike job searching, I found there was a lot of email correspondence before the actual date/interview. Now it's time for a phone call. Think of the phone call like the phone screen that the recruiters use before allowing you into the company for an actual interview. Use this opportunity for some informational interviewing - likes, dislikes, relationship history. Things may end here as a friendship. On the other hand, the phone screen may go exceptionally well and the two of you have decided to meet for a meal. You can think of this as the interview. Bear in mind the don'ts of interview eating - no pasta, no French onion soup, etc. Ask more questions and pay attention to body language. Is there a fit? If not, could she be part of the new friendship network? If this were a made-for-TV movie then you would have found the perfect girl on the first try and live happily ever after. Chances are you'll have to repeat the process several times before finding the person of your dreams. I never reached the last two steps during my cyber girl search.My story ends happily however. I found the perfect woman for me via the Networking Fairy - just like they tell you about in the job searching seminars. Two women picked me up at my own yard sale in July and I had become friends with them. They introduced me to an acquaintance of theirs.... I think I'm in a made-for-TV movie.
The downside of this relatively quick chick search is that I can no longer use that as a diversion from my job search.... Does anyone know of any software pre-sales jobs out there?
Nan Solomons wants to be an employed pre/post sales support engineer. She has experience in billing and databases and has great oral, written, presentation and customer skills. While not searching for a job she is a frustrated, stand-up comic and a not-so-frustrated gourmet cook.
