1.      The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.
 
2.      I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
 
3.      She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
 
4.      Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He's all right now.
 
5.      A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
 
6.      The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
 
7.      No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
 
8.      A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
 
9.      A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
 
10.  Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.
 
11.  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
 
12.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
13.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I'll go on a head.”
 
14.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.
 
15.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

16.  A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, No change yet.
 
17.  The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
 
18.  The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
 
19.  A backward poet writes inverse.
 
20.  In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.
 
21.  Don't join dangerous cults:  Practice safe sects!
 
OK so my kids liked them....