I overheard someone at lunch recently say how wonderful it would be to get her kids back into school. Yep, it's time to get the little, uh, darlings off the couch and back into the classroom. And not a minute too soon for most parents.

Thanks to massive public relations and marketing campaigns promoting back-to-school technology, getting kids back to school has become more complicated than the days when I thought I'd scored big time because I was heading back to the classroom with a new protractor and a bunch of brand new No. 2 pencils.

Today's back-to-school supply lists include cell phones. We didn't have those when I was a student. Today, no self-respecting kid wants to show up for class without their own phone. And not just any phone. It has to be cool. This used to be just for the older kids. But I think it starts in preschool now. Or sooner. I used the payphone down the hall in my dorm when I was in college. Only a few rich kids actually had a phone of their own in their room. That was luxury. A "landline" like that wouldn't begin to pass muster with today's student.

The American Dream: A Cell Phone in Every Crib

Refusing to get your kid a phone will only lead to endless fights and nagging until you give in, which you will.

But giving your kid a phone just to end the fights is a mistake. Because the first thing they're going to do is start texting. And this leads to a whole new round of fights when the first monthly bill comes in and you realize you're going to need a third mortgage to pay for all that texting your kid has been doing.

You probably don't understand why your little cherub needs to average 32,427 text messages a day, especially when most of them involve friends they see all day at school -- and who may live on the same block. That's because you’re too lame (translation: old) to understand. Suffice it to say, just spend the few bucks it'll cost you to buy the unlimited texting plan. It'll save you several million dollars between now and the end of school next spring.

Texting also leads to fights between your kid and his or her teacher(s). We used to pass notes in class. Now kids text in class. And they're way more prolific than we were.

How big a problem is this? Every school in the nation now has a student policy managing the use of electronics.

I sometimes do workshops about how to generate news; seasonal events, like back-to-school coverage, can be a great hook for news stories. Our favorite wireless carriers are certainly in agreement. I used to use backpacks as my favorite back-to-school story example. There were tons of styles of backpacks. Most kids still take backpacks to school. But they aren't news any more, at least not like they once were. 40 percent of the recent back-to-school coverage on Google News was about teachers, schools and cell phones. And 11 percent was about teachers -- teachers, not students -- being banned from using personal cell phones or online social sites to communicate with students and parents.¹ I think there's a trend there somewhere.

So, your kid's phone will be confiscated at least once. Maybe several times. Some schools make the parents show up to retrieve them, which is a big pain in the . . . well, you know where.

A Special Gift From Ms. Somers

My favorite, though, is a teacher in Aurora, Colorado who gives the phones back to their owners at the end of the day herself. While the confiscated phone has been in her custody, she's snapped a picture of herself and set it as the screensaver on the offending student's phone. Imagine, turning on your phone to text your friends only to find Ms. Somers' smiling face. Nicely played, Ms. Somers.

The other thing your kids will do with their phones is share pictures of themselves with some special friend. These are pictures that would get you arrested if you took them. And, of course, the special friend will immediately put them on the Internet for everyone to see. This will lead to another fight between you and the sweet, innocent child you’re trying to get to adulthood safe and employable.

Things were different when I was a kid and even when my kids were kids. I have fond memories of new protractors, compasses (the kind you draw circles with, not the kind you use to figure out what direction you’re facing) and erasers. Big erasers that had their own rubbery smell. They probably don’t even let kids have compasses anymore because of the sharp points that could be used as a weapon. But a loaded phone that's far more dangerous? Every kid who is even the slightest bit cool has one.

And, of course, we haven't gotten to the day when you'll send your kids off to college. Then they'll need a computer and an Internet connection (okay, so they've had those since forever) and security software to protect themselves and the school's computer network from the bad guys.

And you’ll be hoping against hope that they don't put something on Facebook that makes them unemployable for the next three decades. Because, if that happens, guess where they'll be coming to live.