It's graduation season and one of my grandsons is graduating from kindergarten, complete with cap and gown. Once I got past wondering why anyone would hold a graduation for kindergartners, I found myself thinking about other graduations I've attended.

I generally don't put graduations and movie thrillers in the same category. But one high school graduation I attended some years ago is an exception.

It involved a young man who barely made it out of high school. In fact, it wasn't clear until a day or two beforehand that he'd be allowed to graduate. For some reason, his school handed out diplomas by class rank instead of alphabetically. He was next to last in line. We were all worried they might change their minds before they got to him.

I couldn’t tell you who spoke, what they talked about or much else about the ceremony. But I remember that mother and her son both whooping it up as he walked across the stage to get his diploma. No one who got a diploma that day was happier about it than they were.

Never let the facts get in the way

Without wanting to offend all those good people who speak at graduations, I can't remember the name of a single person who spoke at any graduation I’ve attended. Well, there's one exception. I spoke at my high school graduation. I suspect I'm the only person on the planet who remembers that. But I have no idea what I talked about. Or the names of anyone else who spoke. I was brilliant, I'm sure. The others? Not so much. Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

All three of my sons graduated from the same high school. The graduations were held at a scenic outdoor amphitheater called Red Rocks in the foothills near Denver. It rained during all three ceremonies. The kids couldn't have cared less. They were so stoked about being at Red Rocks and so happy to be done with high school that I'm not sure they even noticed. And every year was going to be the “last” graduation at Red Rocks. In the future, they were going to be held somewhere closer to town, probably indoors. That was nearly 20 years ago. This year's graduation will be at Red Rocks. But I’m sure it'll be the last one.

I'm assuming there won’t be a speaker my grandson’s kindergarten graduation. I can't imagine a group of five year olds sitting still for even a tiny speech.

Honorary doctorate of kindergarten

No graduation speaker means no honorary degrees. I wonder if there's such a thing as an honorary doctorate in kindergarten. Probably not. But as forgettable as most graduation speakers are, the honorary degrees they get are -- next to the graduation ceremony itself -- the single most mentioned topic in news stories about graduations.¹ As someone put it, "they hand those things out like cigarettes on a playground."

So, without a speaker, I guess the chances of the media covering my grandson's graduation aren't so good. Dang. I was hoping to see his picture on the front page of the local newspaper. I'm sure he’s the one they would have shown, him being so cute and all.

Instead of a speaker, I'm thinking we'll be treated to a performance by the graduating kinders. I hope so, anyway.

Actually, my image of what the kindergarten graduation is likely to be gives me ideas for changing the more traditional ones involving high schools and colleges to add a little pizzazz.

Congratulations, if you're graduating this year. You’ll remember the day forever. But, unless the speaker's a celebrity so cool that you'll get goose bumps just from seeing him/her in person, a few years from now you won't remember who they were or what they said. Trust me. I’ve been forgetting graduation speeches for decades.